最近发生了好多事，好多对人都难以启齿的事，跟了几位好友提过但却始终不能完全表达自己的心情。。大概是他们都觉得我疯了。。好多好多的话只想对一个人说，但那个人，已经离去，又何苦再生事端呢？其实根本再也没有这个人了，这个可以让我的心灵有寄托的人，既是如此，就寄托给啊弥陀佛吧！或许事情根本没那么糟糕，也或许是本来就是那么的复杂。。渐渐我自己也变得麻木，又突然清醒过来，觉得应该做些什么，然后又很无奈，再次的纵容自己的麻木。。天哪！这世上怎么就会有那么多的奇怪复杂的事，而且统统都让我给撞上。。或许天地之大，也有人和我一样，希望他们也能坚强的面对吧！家，一个多么有意义的词，承载着许多人的幸福，许多人的痛苦。。我知道没有痛苦，就没有幸福，但，有痛苦也不一定有幸福吧！执着，是那么的让人难以放下，放下后，是那么的无情，至少对身边的人来说，所以我的不执着成了我的无情。。怎么办？难道要出家么？这么多事未了怎么能欺骗自己。。那么说来，好像出家的人都是无情的，是这样吗？我知道不是，但现在的我，真的还没参透其中奥秘，真是愚痴呀！我知道的事，出家，并不是用来逃避的借口，必须六根清净，像我现在这般烦恼与难题，根本就没资格谈。。六根清净如果指的是放下我着，那现在的我根本办不到，不是不想，是不能这么做，抛下我的家，在这么水深火热之中。。所以决定要让家人也一起学习放下执着。。啊弥陀佛，希望我真的能做到，加油！！
2014年8月31日 星期日
2014年8月30日 星期六
珍重
真的太难想象，我终于达成了梦想，真正的路途正式要开始了!! 身为钱家的第一位医生，既害怕又兴奋。。现在不想想太多，只想好好地休息，因为迎面而来的挑战就是要成为一名好医生！！
翻开一页页的旧记忆，真的好不容易的过了这7年，期间发生了太多太多不可思议的事，人生真是难以预料，兜兜转转，昔日的一切就只能回味了，一起开启的旅程，能一直到最后的真的不多，真的很感慨一些人事物就这样可能从此不再交际。。很感恩上天对我不薄，让我认识了一班非常棒的朋友们，这5-7年，犹如打了一场战，过关斩将，出生入死，风雨同行，感谢每一个在我生命里出现的你和妳，即使是路过，也可以让我回忆很久很久，希望可以把不快乐的都抛开，珍惜所有一起相处的快乐。。
朋友们，珍重！祝你们一帆风顺，前程似锦，身体健康！！！
在人生的道路都能发光发日，帮助有需要的人，加油！！！
说再见真的很难。。。已经开始怀念了。。
翻开一页页的旧记忆，真的好不容易的过了这7年，期间发生了太多太多不可思议的事，人生真是难以预料，兜兜转转，昔日的一切就只能回味了，一起开启的旅程，能一直到最后的真的不多，真的很感慨一些人事物就这样可能从此不再交际。。很感恩上天对我不薄，让我认识了一班非常棒的朋友们，这5-7年，犹如打了一场战，过关斩将，出生入死，风雨同行，感谢每一个在我生命里出现的你和妳，即使是路过，也可以让我回忆很久很久，希望可以把不快乐的都抛开，珍惜所有一起相处的快乐。。
朋友们，珍重！祝你们一帆风顺，前程似锦，身体健康！！！
在人生的道路都能发光发日，帮助有需要的人，加油！！！
说再见真的很难。。。已经开始怀念了。。
2014年8月18日 星期一
2014年7月4日 星期五
JUST DO IT ！
距离MBBS FINAL 25 天21 小时
好想一口气把所有的书都哽了，距离梦想很近的，我知道我可以的。
但一直被藏在内心的另一个我似乎蠢蠢欲动，对于音乐舞蹈，突然有好多憧憬。。
真可笑，也不是特别有才华，也没受过什么特别训练，比起自己的同伴其实根本与艺术拉不上边，最多只能当个消遣。。
那比起这些，成为医生视乎还比较容易一些。。
当然并不是这样才选择读医科的，那颗想要帮助更多人的心一点都没变。。
对于你还有家人的承诺也没有忘，就让这一股动力继续吧！
不是为了完成后向你炫耀，也没那么伟大替你完成梦想，不过我知道这是我选择的，我一定会坚持到底，未来的路还很长，但短距离计划就是把它完成，再好好地面对你，然后为我热爱的艺术狂欢一番，再好好规划我的人生。虽然你不再是我人生规划的一部分，但也想与你分享。。发现自己很无奈很无能为力的过了好多年，是时候抬起头来，为自己，为家人做点什么，就算是简单的陪伴关怀与了解，希望可以追回那逝去的时光，在还来得及的时候=）
很喜欢‘冒牌生’的这段话：当你不知道自己想要什么的时候，试着忘掉那些不可能，坚持一个小小的可能吧！
环境是刻苦的，身体是疲累的，灵魂是丰富的，而梦想是一天比一天
Yo， just do it !! ^^
好想一口气把所有的书都哽了，距离梦想很近的，我知道我可以的。
但一直被藏在内心的另一个我似乎蠢蠢欲动，对于音乐舞蹈，突然有好多憧憬。。
真可笑，也不是特别有才华，也没受过什么特别训练，比起自己的同伴其实根本与艺术拉不上边，最多只能当个消遣。。
那比起这些，成为医生视乎还比较容易一些。。
当然并不是这样才选择读医科的，那颗想要帮助更多人的心一点都没变。。
对于你还有家人的承诺也没有忘，就让这一股动力继续吧！
不是为了完成后向你炫耀，也没那么伟大替你完成梦想，不过我知道这是我选择的，我一定会坚持到底，未来的路还很长，但短距离计划就是把它完成，再好好地面对你，然后为我热爱的艺术狂欢一番，再好好规划我的人生。虽然你不再是我人生规划的一部分，但也想与你分享。。发现自己很无奈很无能为力的过了好多年，是时候抬起头来，为自己，为家人做点什么，就算是简单的陪伴关怀与了解，希望可以追回那逝去的时光，在还来得及的时候=）
很喜欢‘冒牌生’的这段话：当你不知道自己想要什么的时候，试着忘掉那些不可能，坚持一个小小的可能吧！
环境是刻苦的，身体是疲累的，灵魂是丰富的，而梦想是一天比一天
Yo， just do it !! ^^
2014年6月25日 星期三
"You cannot save everyone" written by Bryant McGill
Should you help someone who is reaching out and deeply-hurting? Absolutely. Do what you can to help people but have the wisdom to accept your limits. You can only do so much. You should never have a relationship based on guilt over someone's poor choices. It is so easy to find ourselves in denial about someone's behavior because we so deeply wish they could escape their pain and suffering. But what we want for others doesn't work unless they want it for themselves. People must save themselves, and you can only help a person who really wants it and is ready. You have permission to walk away from anything that doesn't feel right. Trust your instincts and listen to your inner-voice — it's trying to protect you. Never stop sharing your love with people; that's why you were put on Earth. But sometimes the way to share your love is to let someone go. Staying in an unhealthy relationship can keep a person from finding their own way and moving to the next level of their own path — and that person could even be you. Sometimes the best way to save someone is to walk-away. Real love sometimes means saying goodbye.
Your life was meant for more than being a life-long doormat for deadbeats, losers, gossipers, nay-sayers, dream-crushers, energy vampires, users, abusers, ragers and passive-aggressive backstabbers. Some of these people are rabidly-infected with obvious madness. Some have less obvious ways, such as the "helpful" enabler, who sends you off to your destruction with a helping hand and a smile. Some are "doubt-whispers," who plant the seeds of non-belief in your heart to take root, so they can then console you in your inevitable moment of defeat. There are also perpetual victims who feed on your constant attention. Call them what you want, you know exactly who I am talking about. One thing always reveals their sometimes hidden identity — after you have been around them, how do you feel; have you been depleted and drained or energized and inspired?
"From the backstabbing co-worker to the meddling sister-in-law, you are in charge of how you react to the people and events in your life. You can either give negativity power over your life or you can choose happiness instead."
— Anais Nin
A person at peace can immediately recognize a consciousness in crisis, whereas those in crisis cannot fully understand themselves or others. This is the eternal challenge with ignorance — ignorance can't see itself. People often turn away from advice because they need something others can never offer them — discovery. As much as we would like to help others avoid pain, sometimes we have to let go and allow them to receive their painful lessons. Suffering is one of life's great teachers. You cannot save people from themselves. All you can do is stand firmly in your hopes for them, with compassion.
"It takes a lot more courage to let something go than it does to hang on to it, trying to make it better. Letting go doesn't mean ignoring a situation. Letting go means accepting what is, exactly as it is, without fear, resistance, or a struggle for control."
— Iyanla Vanzant
I know you want to be a good person and be helpful to people in need, but it's impossible to give to others if you have been used-up. Being a good person has nothing to do with allowing people to destroy you. There are limits. You can best help others from a position of strength, not weakness. So, don't forget to be good to yourself first. Don't forget to take care of you! It is never cruel to want to save yourself from being swamped by fools. You cannot save everyone. Some people are going to destroy themselves no matter how much you try to help them. Their lives are full of emptiness, chaos and dysfunction, and they will bring their misery and pain into your life with full-force if you allow it. Then there are others who have the outward appearance of success and are seemingly not self-destructive in nature. These people do not destroy themselves, but instead survive through the destruction of others — these are the users. Either of these types of people will latch-on to you in a death-spiral and take you down to the depths of hell with them. This is your life and you have the right and responsibility to make good decisions for yourself.
"You cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang with negative people."
— Joel Osteen
You must firmly, absolutely and ruthlessly protect your safety and sanity. Misery loves good company, so if you are surrounded with drama, gossip and fools you may want to consider that you are presently at risk of becoming one of them. The real zombie-apocalypse is the pandemic of drama and mediocrity. Troublemakers will infect you with the malady of their madness. And especially, if your positivity immune system is low, any exposure to a person afflicted with negativity can poison your life. You have to get these people out of your life once and for all. One of the fastest ways you can profoundly change your life is to rid yourself of toxic people. When you do come in contact with one of these people run for your life. Get to safety. Meditatively and spiritually decontaminate yourself. Scrub down your brain with a wire-brush and remove their insanity from the corridors of your mind. Inoculate yourself immediately by creating a safe space and aligning yourself with healthy people. If you have to go it alone for a while until you find your healthy tribe and chosen family, that is fine. Being alone is much better than being around negative people out of loneliness or desperation.
"Inoculate yourself from dangerous bozos."
— Guy Kawasaki
Boundaries and risk management are very important parts of living a healthy and positive life. Even professionals like therapists, psychologists and social workers limit their exposure to their clients and draw boundaries. What makes you think you can handle unlimited exposure to toxic people and survive? You can still be a charitable person who helps and cares about people, without helping those very people destroy your life. Learn how to draw a line and learn how to enforce it. Get selfish and take care of you. Cleanliness and order is good Feng Shui which applies to people even more than to the things in your life. You must clear out what you don't want to make room for what you do want to arrive. The way to send a clear message that you are ready for better people in your life is the kick the rascals to the curb. We strive our whole lives to love people unconditionally, but sometimes we need to get rid of people unconditionally. The intimate space of your personal life should be reserved for amazing, beautiful, radiant souls — good, wholesome and loving people. Your truest family is your chosen family, people with whom you most identify. Make a clear decision on the type of people you want in your life and if they don't make the cut, then create some distance. It doesn't matter if it is a close relative, parent or child-hood friend; no matter the history — when people are toxic, disruptive and dysfunctional with no reasonable signs of recovery, then they need to go. Sometimes, to escape a bad relationship and reclaim our lives, we have to break a piece of our heart off, like a wolf chews its leg off to escape a steel trap. Love toxic people from a distance.
"End it now! Don't waste another minute dealing with a toxic, negative, energy-draining person. Some people are wired for negativity. They love being argumentative, combative and abusive. Run for your life as quickly as possible. Life is too short and unpredictable to deal with these emotional vampires. They feed off of stressing you out, raising hell and creating drama for you. The toxic energy will turn your hair gray overnight, cause you to gain weight and rob you of your health. Don't waste valuable time trying to change them. Change yourself and get them out of your life! Don't say a word; leave all of your belongings if you have to in the middle of the night. Cut off all communication. Don't take their calls. You have heard all the lies before. They will not change. They don't choose to change. It is who they have decided to be. Move to another city, if you must, and start all over again. Your life is worth it. You deserve to have peace of mind, a great relationship and an exciting life. Watch how dramatically your life will change for the better once you get this burden off your back. The air you breathe will become fresh and invigorating. You will feel an infusion of exuberance, energy and love for life. With this stifling, suffocating and controlling person out of your life, get ready to live again and be the person that you've always wanted to be. Live life on your own terms, not having to answer to anyone but yourself. Control your own destiny."
— Les Brown
Sometimes a person needs us to abandon them, but we hang-on anyway, which can be devastating for both parties. Helping others can sometimes be a convenient distraction from addressing our own unresolved issues. When someone you know is so toxic and destructive that they are poisoning your life, you have to create some distance. They need you to walk away as much as you need it. People who are out of control desperately need to observe your healthy boundaries in-play to learn from your example. You best teach others about healthy boundaries by enforcing yours on them. There is a difference between giving-up and strategic disengagement. Know the difference. Learn how to let people go. Stop holding-on to the wrong people. Let them go on their own way; if not for you, then for them.
"Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny."
— Steve Maraboli
You can help others once you are safe, secure and successful in your own life. Practically every successful person you know of is successful, in part, because they moved the destructive and disruptive people out of their lives. Successful people carefully manage their energy and associations; they are gatekeepers. Who you allow into your life, mind and heart are among the most important decisions you will ever make. Take inventory of the people with whom you spend the most time. Who you spend your time with is who you are, or who you will soon become. Limit your exposure to unhealthy and unsupportive people. Love yourself enough to say no to people who diminish your chances for a beautiful and empowered life. Sometimes you have to get away from what you know to discover what you don't know. It is time for the abuse, control, lies and negativity to end. Align yourself with a new tribe of healthy people who are supportive of your highest good and potential. Find the people who are living the positive lifestyle you wish for yourself and who share your values, and create a new family of friends that you can call, "home." Your new positive and supportive tribe will edify you, strengthen you and empower you to serve others in ways you would have never before imagined. Taking care of yourself is the most powerful way to begin to take care of others. Healing for everyone begins with self-love — starting right now.
Poster created by SimpleReminders.com
Should you help someone who is reaching out and deeply-hurting? Absolutely. Do what you can to help people but have the wisdom to accept your limits. You can only do so much. You should never have a relationship based on guilt over someone's poor choices. It is so easy to find ourselves in denial about someone's behavior because we so deeply wish they could escape their pain and suffering. But what we want for others doesn't work unless they want it for themselves. People must save themselves, and you can only help a person who really wants it and is ready. You have permission to walk away from anything that doesn't feel right. Trust your instincts and listen to your inner-voice — it's trying to protect you. Never stop sharing your love with people; that's why you were put on Earth. But sometimes the way to share your love is to let someone go. Staying in an unhealthy relationship can keep a person from finding their own way and moving to the next level of their own path — and that person could even be you. Sometimes the best way to save someone is to walk-away. Real love sometimes means saying goodbye.
Your life was meant for more than being a life-long doormat for deadbeats, losers, gossipers, nay-sayers, dream-crushers, energy vampires, users, abusers, ragers and passive-aggressive backstabbers. Some of these people are rabidly-infected with obvious madness. Some have less obvious ways, such as the "helpful" enabler, who sends you off to your destruction with a helping hand and a smile. Some are "doubt-whispers," who plant the seeds of non-belief in your heart to take root, so they can then console you in your inevitable moment of defeat. There are also perpetual victims who feed on your constant attention. Call them what you want, you know exactly who I am talking about. One thing always reveals their sometimes hidden identity — after you have been around them, how do you feel; have you been depleted and drained or energized and inspired?
"From the backstabbing co-worker to the meddling sister-in-law, you are in charge of how you react to the people and events in your life. You can either give negativity power over your life or you can choose happiness instead."
— Anais Nin
A person at peace can immediately recognize a consciousness in crisis, whereas those in crisis cannot fully understand themselves or others. This is the eternal challenge with ignorance — ignorance can't see itself. People often turn away from advice because they need something others can never offer them — discovery. As much as we would like to help others avoid pain, sometimes we have to let go and allow them to receive their painful lessons. Suffering is one of life's great teachers. You cannot save people from themselves. All you can do is stand firmly in your hopes for them, with compassion.
"It takes a lot more courage to let something go than it does to hang on to it, trying to make it better. Letting go doesn't mean ignoring a situation. Letting go means accepting what is, exactly as it is, without fear, resistance, or a struggle for control."
— Iyanla Vanzant
I know you want to be a good person and be helpful to people in need, but it's impossible to give to others if you have been used-up. Being a good person has nothing to do with allowing people to destroy you. There are limits. You can best help others from a position of strength, not weakness. So, don't forget to be good to yourself first. Don't forget to take care of you! It is never cruel to want to save yourself from being swamped by fools. You cannot save everyone. Some people are going to destroy themselves no matter how much you try to help them. Their lives are full of emptiness, chaos and dysfunction, and they will bring their misery and pain into your life with full-force if you allow it. Then there are others who have the outward appearance of success and are seemingly not self-destructive in nature. These people do not destroy themselves, but instead survive through the destruction of others — these are the users. Either of these types of people will latch-on to you in a death-spiral and take you down to the depths of hell with them. This is your life and you have the right and responsibility to make good decisions for yourself.
"You cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang with negative people."
— Joel Osteen
You must firmly, absolutely and ruthlessly protect your safety and sanity. Misery loves good company, so if you are surrounded with drama, gossip and fools you may want to consider that you are presently at risk of becoming one of them. The real zombie-apocalypse is the pandemic of drama and mediocrity. Troublemakers will infect you with the malady of their madness. And especially, if your positivity immune system is low, any exposure to a person afflicted with negativity can poison your life. You have to get these people out of your life once and for all. One of the fastest ways you can profoundly change your life is to rid yourself of toxic people. When you do come in contact with one of these people run for your life. Get to safety. Meditatively and spiritually decontaminate yourself. Scrub down your brain with a wire-brush and remove their insanity from the corridors of your mind. Inoculate yourself immediately by creating a safe space and aligning yourself with healthy people. If you have to go it alone for a while until you find your healthy tribe and chosen family, that is fine. Being alone is much better than being around negative people out of loneliness or desperation.
"Inoculate yourself from dangerous bozos."
— Guy Kawasaki
Boundaries and risk management are very important parts of living a healthy and positive life. Even professionals like therapists, psychologists and social workers limit their exposure to their clients and draw boundaries. What makes you think you can handle unlimited exposure to toxic people and survive? You can still be a charitable person who helps and cares about people, without helping those very people destroy your life. Learn how to draw a line and learn how to enforce it. Get selfish and take care of you. Cleanliness and order is good Feng Shui which applies to people even more than to the things in your life. You must clear out what you don't want to make room for what you do want to arrive. The way to send a clear message that you are ready for better people in your life is the kick the rascals to the curb. We strive our whole lives to love people unconditionally, but sometimes we need to get rid of people unconditionally. The intimate space of your personal life should be reserved for amazing, beautiful, radiant souls — good, wholesome and loving people. Your truest family is your chosen family, people with whom you most identify. Make a clear decision on the type of people you want in your life and if they don't make the cut, then create some distance. It doesn't matter if it is a close relative, parent or child-hood friend; no matter the history — when people are toxic, disruptive and dysfunctional with no reasonable signs of recovery, then they need to go. Sometimes, to escape a bad relationship and reclaim our lives, we have to break a piece of our heart off, like a wolf chews its leg off to escape a steel trap. Love toxic people from a distance.
"End it now! Don't waste another minute dealing with a toxic, negative, energy-draining person. Some people are wired for negativity. They love being argumentative, combative and abusive. Run for your life as quickly as possible. Life is too short and unpredictable to deal with these emotional vampires. They feed off of stressing you out, raising hell and creating drama for you. The toxic energy will turn your hair gray overnight, cause you to gain weight and rob you of your health. Don't waste valuable time trying to change them. Change yourself and get them out of your life! Don't say a word; leave all of your belongings if you have to in the middle of the night. Cut off all communication. Don't take their calls. You have heard all the lies before. They will not change. They don't choose to change. It is who they have decided to be. Move to another city, if you must, and start all over again. Your life is worth it. You deserve to have peace of mind, a great relationship and an exciting life. Watch how dramatically your life will change for the better once you get this burden off your back. The air you breathe will become fresh and invigorating. You will feel an infusion of exuberance, energy and love for life. With this stifling, suffocating and controlling person out of your life, get ready to live again and be the person that you've always wanted to be. Live life on your own terms, not having to answer to anyone but yourself. Control your own destiny."
— Les Brown
Sometimes a person needs us to abandon them, but we hang-on anyway, which can be devastating for both parties. Helping others can sometimes be a convenient distraction from addressing our own unresolved issues. When someone you know is so toxic and destructive that they are poisoning your life, you have to create some distance. They need you to walk away as much as you need it. People who are out of control desperately need to observe your healthy boundaries in-play to learn from your example. You best teach others about healthy boundaries by enforcing yours on them. There is a difference between giving-up and strategic disengagement. Know the difference. Learn how to let people go. Stop holding-on to the wrong people. Let them go on their own way; if not for you, then for them.
"Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny."
— Steve Maraboli
You can help others once you are safe, secure and successful in your own life. Practically every successful person you know of is successful, in part, because they moved the destructive and disruptive people out of their lives. Successful people carefully manage their energy and associations; they are gatekeepers. Who you allow into your life, mind and heart are among the most important decisions you will ever make. Take inventory of the people with whom you spend the most time. Who you spend your time with is who you are, or who you will soon become. Limit your exposure to unhealthy and unsupportive people. Love yourself enough to say no to people who diminish your chances for a beautiful and empowered life. Sometimes you have to get away from what you know to discover what you don't know. It is time for the abuse, control, lies and negativity to end. Align yourself with a new tribe of healthy people who are supportive of your highest good and potential. Find the people who are living the positive lifestyle you wish for yourself and who share your values, and create a new family of friends that you can call, "home." Your new positive and supportive tribe will edify you, strengthen you and empower you to serve others in ways you would have never before imagined. Taking care of yourself is the most powerful way to begin to take care of others. Healing for everyone begins with self-love — starting right now.
Poster created by SimpleReminders.com
2014年6月7日 星期六
赚到。翅膀
好神奇的一天！！感恩<3 p="">
一大早，独自一人到医院，原本不愿意起床，但我告诉自己，不可以松懈，不可以为自己找借口偷懒。原本打算走路到医院，却在半路遇到玉芬，赚到顺风车。老天爷真的很眷顾我。
到了医院，去了心脏监护病房,INR诊所, 洗肾中心，再到医药病房。。遇见一位Datin, 跟我说了她的人生经历，叫我好好努力念书，不可以停下来，她说很少会跟别人分享，我真的赚到了。。
下午真的很累，不想去上课，教授是出了名的严厉，自己真的没做什么功课。还是硬着头皮去上了，结果她今天心情特好，授了很多宝贵的经验和知识，又赚到了=D
晚上，真的很犹豫，因为答应了要跟小出去，又想帮Janette庆生，housemates 又预了一起煮晚餐。。后来，小说要和她的另一位朋友庆生，怎么办，很怕因为不熟而尴尬。。结果，我就邀Janette 一起加入，巧合的另外两位学弟也一起来了。。本来不懂如何取舍，却意外的有了完美又有意义的一晚。
真的赚到了！！
没预料housemates会想要一起煮，真的很高兴他们有想到我，但我辜负了他们的一番好意，当我说要和别人出去时，他们没生气，很感激他们的体谅。。。一切都很random,所以临时决定，没预先告诉他们。
没预料小会帮Janette安排惊喜，真的很感激她! 虽然不是给我的惊喜，但我真的很感动^^
没料到Janette会答应一起出来，真的很感恩，很庆幸我可以陪她度过生日。
没料到可以认识多几位朋友，可以帮刚认识的朋友庆生，真的很妙！
看了电影 MALEFICENT, 不懂别人怎么想，我其实有感同身受，一个少女被爱欺骗，迷失自己，犯下错误，但又因为爱，破除了自己下的魔咒。认为世上不可能存在的真爱，原来自己也可以给予他人真爱。重点是，真爱不一定发生在男女之间，可以是亲情，友情，陌生的人，甚至是敌人的女儿。。无论怎么的想要恨一个人，想要毁掉一切，把自己装的很坏，但最终骗不了真正的自己，那个温柔而坚强的自己。。而被夺取的翅膀，终究会重新的回到自己身边。。一个人对自己因贪婪犯下的罪恶，进而变成无尽的恐惧，把对方当成最终的敌人，其实真正的敌人，是自己，不能面对的，恐惧的，也是自己。。当女主角得回翅膀再展翅飞翔的一刻，我仿佛也重新获得了了力量。。据说两国的恩怨只能让之高无双的英雄，或是无比邪恶的魔鬼出现才能解除；故事的结尾，之高无双的英雄与无比邪恶的魔鬼，都是同一个人，反映了，凡事都有两面。。也美化了童话里的魔女。。魔女，其实只是为爱受伤害的小女生。。
感恩，这么有意义的一天 <3 p="">
一大早，独自一人到医院，原本不愿意起床，但我告诉自己，不可以松懈，不可以为自己找借口偷懒。原本打算走路到医院，却在半路遇到玉芬，赚到顺风车。老天爷真的很眷顾我。
到了医院，去了心脏监护病房,INR诊所, 洗肾中心，再到医药病房。。遇见一位Datin, 跟我说了她的人生经历，叫我好好努力念书，不可以停下来，她说很少会跟别人分享，我真的赚到了。。
下午真的很累，不想去上课，教授是出了名的严厉，自己真的没做什么功课。还是硬着头皮去上了，结果她今天心情特好，授了很多宝贵的经验和知识，又赚到了=D
晚上，真的很犹豫，因为答应了要跟小出去，又想帮Janette庆生，housemates 又预了一起煮晚餐。。后来，小说要和她的另一位朋友庆生，怎么办，很怕因为不熟而尴尬。。结果，我就邀Janette 一起加入，巧合的另外两位学弟也一起来了。。本来不懂如何取舍，却意外的有了完美又有意义的一晚。
真的赚到了！！
没预料housemates会想要一起煮，真的很高兴他们有想到我，但我辜负了他们的一番好意，当我说要和别人出去时，他们没生气，很感激他们的体谅。。。一切都很random,所以临时决定，没预先告诉他们。
没预料小会帮Janette安排惊喜，真的很感激她! 虽然不是给我的惊喜，但我真的很感动^^
没料到Janette会答应一起出来，真的很感恩，很庆幸我可以陪她度过生日。
没料到可以认识多几位朋友，可以帮刚认识的朋友庆生，真的很妙！
看了电影
人類本來是會飛的
只是城府深了
貪愛使得壓力變大了
人就變重了
於是漸漸忘記怎麼飛行
我們都深陷在這不知何時種下無明的魔咒裡呀~~
--心靈甘露
每一件小事，都是生活中最幸福的大事。
--天下讀者俱樂部
感恩，这么有意义的一天 <3 p="">
2014年6月3日 星期二
2014年5月28日 星期三
2014年5月27日 星期二
2014年5月16日 星期五
2014年5月3日 星期六
他们说
他们说，我太过坦白，不应该，把自己的一切告诉别人，或是放在网路上。。
可能我就是天生爱现，但我所写的说的，都是关于自己最真实的心情，别人的隐私秘密，我绝对不会曝露半点，基本的礼貌和道德，我是有的。。
关于自己，无论好的坏的，都是我一点一滴的累积，我不管别人如何看我，我的价值，我自己很清楚。。活得坦荡荡，大概就是我人生的意义。。
当然别人的建议，无论藵或贬我都乐意接受，然后自己分析，自己做决定。。
我不隐瞒自己弱点，可以改进的一定会尽我所能，没办法的，我完全接受，这，就是我，我的一部分，不会逃避，不会隐瞒。。懂我的人，不需解释，不懂的也无需解释。。
我不隐藏自己的感情，因为喜欢与爱，对家人，对朋友，对心仪的人，都是不能等的，我的人生不会让自己后悔，就算受伤，就算难过，就算最终总会失去，至少我诚实的面对自己的感情。。当然如果对方因为如此而困扰，我也不会戳戳鄙人，勉强他人接受，但我很会很清楚的把一切都收藏的很好，写在这里是为了，如果有一天我忘记了这一段自己的感觉，至少它不会成为无人的记忆，像《死神》剧场电影版。。
看与不看是大众的自由，如果有心人想要拿这个大做文章，我不会畏惧，是事实的我会承认，不是的我绝不妥协，本来就不是很高调的人，应该不会有人想要八卦我的事吧！如果真的有，我也不会害怕我的过去会破坏形象还是什么的，因为我从来没讨厌过自己的过去，反而那是我骄傲的战绩，往后还会一点一滴的累积。。。
可能我就是天生爱现，但我所写的说的，都是关于自己最真实的心情，别人的隐私秘密，我绝对不会曝露半点，基本的礼貌和道德，我是有的。。
关于自己，无论好的坏的，都是我一点一滴的累积，我不管别人如何看我，我的价值，我自己很清楚。。活得坦荡荡，大概就是我人生的意义。。
当然别人的建议，无论藵或贬我都乐意接受，然后自己分析，自己做决定。。
我不隐瞒自己弱点，可以改进的一定会尽我所能，没办法的，我完全接受，这，就是我，我的一部分，不会逃避，不会隐瞒。。懂我的人，不需解释，不懂的也无需解释。。
我不隐藏自己的感情，因为喜欢与爱，对家人，对朋友，对心仪的人，都是不能等的，我的人生不会让自己后悔，就算受伤，就算难过，就算最终总会失去，至少我诚实的面对自己的感情。。当然如果对方因为如此而困扰，我也不会戳戳鄙人，勉强他人接受，但我很会很清楚的把一切都收藏的很好，写在这里是为了，如果有一天我忘记了这一段自己的感觉，至少它不会成为无人的记忆，像《死神》剧场电影版。。
看与不看是大众的自由，如果有心人想要拿这个大做文章，我不会畏惧，是事实的我会承认，不是的我绝不妥协，本来就不是很高调的人，应该不会有人想要八卦我的事吧！如果真的有，我也不会害怕我的过去会破坏形象还是什么的，因为我从来没讨厌过自己的过去，反而那是我骄傲的战绩，往后还会一点一滴的累积。。。
2014年4月30日 星期三
2014年4月24日 星期四
发现自己真的没事了，哭过后，感觉心很宽，很轻，谢谢你和你还有你忍受我的胡乱发泄。。不止这样，也领悟了许多。。原来把事情看的清，再看的轻，一切真的就微不足道了。。其实，才发现自己是个很不知足，不懂珍惜的人。。一直以为要追求的，要珍惜的，其实都是过眼云烟。。在身边的人事物却被忽略。。心才会那么的不踏实。。 想通了，看开了，懂得自己正真需要的是什么，才知道原来快乐与幸福是这般的随手可得。。今天的我很快乐，今天的我成长了。。往后也要这般的，懂得保护自己的心，不再让任何事情打乱，就能轻松地活的很快乐！我不会逃避，也不再掩饰，做自己认为对的，爱自己多一些！加油！
就像我可爱的俊秀=））好久都没好好的更近他。。对不起啊！发现无论多久没跟，只要看到他就会觉得很有能量！！ saranghaeyo oppa <3 p="">
2014年4月21日 星期一
资格
看回之前自己说过的话，po过的文，觉得自己真的很可笑。我说。。如果经历了痛彻心肺的事，其他的一切都已微不足道。。可是不懂何时，我又有了多于微不足道的事。。我说。 。自己的无情是保护色，不会再被感情伤害。。但渐渐的，无情还是有情了。。我也说过，很庆欣我有两个值得珍惜的人，所以不需无情的保护。。虽然也曾受伤害但我以为日后我们都会保护对方。。没想到最终我们还是伤害了对方。。我不会介意的，依然很感激你们之前对我的爱与关怀，我知道那是真的。。但或许我们不能再像以前一样，我还是会珍藏与你们一起的美好回忆。。只是有些遗憾，不再拥有可以珍惜的你和你。。或许我真的太烂，没有资格拥有你们的爱，没资格拥有任何的爱。。再努力吧！我要成为有资格的人！
2014年4月20日 星期日
整座城市的安慰
陳勢安
整座城市的安慰
作詞：吳易緯
作曲：陳啟樂
當朋友 緊緊包圍住你
那雙眼睛 多孤獨多傷心
笑聲 鬧聲 空心的回聲
懷念著誰 無法入睡
沒關係 不用勉強自己
每段感情 都有難忘場景
付出 相信 勇敢旅行
再轉一個彎的你 更美麗
整座城市的安慰 熄燈陪你失眠
只點亮這一盞月光不戳破謊言
虛偽 狼狽 都為你背 任性點無所謂
整座城市的安慰 安靜聽你後悔
送上一抹溫柔的風溫熱你眼淚
別怕 世界 再多拒絕 你的笑容最美
沒關係 不用勉強自己
每段感情 都有難忘場景
付出 相信 勇敢旅行
再轉一個彎的你 更美麗
整座城市的安慰 熄燈陪你失眠
只點亮這一盞月光不戳破謊言
虛偽 狼狽 都為你背 任性點無所謂
整座城市的安慰 安靜聽你後悔
送上一抹溫柔的風溫熱你眼淚
別怕 世界 再多拒絕 你的笑容最美
整座城市的安慰
作詞：吳易緯
作曲：陳啟樂
當朋友 緊緊包圍住你
那雙眼睛 多孤獨多傷心
笑聲 鬧聲 空心的回聲
懷念著誰 無法入睡
沒關係 不用勉強自己
每段感情 都有難忘場景
付出 相信 勇敢旅行
再轉一個彎的你 更美麗
整座城市的安慰 熄燈陪你失眠
只點亮這一盞月光不戳破謊言
虛偽 狼狽 都為你背 任性點無所謂
整座城市的安慰 安靜聽你後悔
送上一抹溫柔的風溫熱你眼淚
別怕 世界 再多拒絕 你的笑容最美
沒關係 不用勉強自己
每段感情 都有難忘場景
付出 相信 勇敢旅行
再轉一個彎的你 更美麗
整座城市的安慰 熄燈陪你失眠
只點亮這一盞月光不戳破謊言
虛偽 狼狽 都為你背 任性點無所謂
整座城市的安慰 安靜聽你後悔
送上一抹溫柔的風溫熱你眼淚
別怕 世界 再多拒絕 你的笑容最美
眼泪碰石头
吞下 说不出的苦 和你僵持在 这条 挤满人的路
就连难过也要有个尺度 不能太突出 让人看清楚
要走 别给我烂借口 你并没有占据 全部的生活
你不懂 我可以找好朋友 他们 全都不像你那么混球 看不见我
* 我不需要你 挡着我的路像给我自由
我不需要你 别过头又悄悄回来看我
我不需要你 有那么点可怜我
虽然很脆弱 我也要带着眼泪去碰石头
# 我只需要有 一个目标让我好好奋斗
我只需要有 一个理由让我懂得放手
我只需要有 一个怎样的结果
那我才能够 不犹豫的往前走
心的冒险 一样执着 （新的自己 好好地过）
我会删除你的所有 不再和你联络 记得那些错
别再错 爱的范畴太辽阔 我们 还有些青春可以挥霍 不要怕痛
repeat *##
趙潔瑩 – 眼淚碰石頭 歌詞
我们常常把希望握得太紧，而被希望弄伤。
其实只需要一个理由 去学会放手 就能毫不犹豫的
继续往前走。
2014年4月3日 星期四
最近
不懂什么时候开始，我们之间变了，变得客气，变得防范，变得刻意躲避，变得我都快觉得自己像空气，变得没有必要都不会交谈，变得任何事任何问题都不会再与我讨论。。
我们曾经无所不谈，分享喜怒哀乐，也一起度过欢乐与悲伤的时光。。我以为大家会一直这样到毕业。。
我知道自己很多缺点，很依赖，很懒，很没礼貌，很理所当然，很为所欲为，很笨但这都是因为我以为我们是那么的熟悉对方，像我也可以容忍你们的一切，唯独不能容忍你们的冷落。。我以为在你们面前我不必假装，可以做我自己。。我以为我们可以互相扶持，互相照顾。。
如今，只剩你们大声说小声笑，而我只能假装我没听见什么。。
如今，只剩每天期盼自己能加入你们的讨论，你们的饭局，然后在一旁，笑得没心没肺。。
如今，只剩自己战战兢兢的在你们身边，还怕做错一丝一毫会被你们嫌弃，被你们在背后评论。。
很想跟你们说，如果有什么我真的做错了，冒犯了，可不可以直接跟我说，你们应该了解，我爱面子但更珍惜大家。。但或许这样只会让你们越来越远离我，所以我选择沉默，期盼有一天我们又能像从前那样，过着很庆幸拥有彼此的日子。。其实也不到四个月大家就会隔散东西，真的希望大家是珍惜的，不会是恨不得脱离我这个没用的人。。
在想是不是自己一直以来都活在自己的幻想里，其实你们根本没有认为我的存在对你们来说有什么重要，是我自己高估了自己。。但，我是那么的确定，大家的真心，所有的一点一滴，我都铭记于心。。或许是我真的让你们心碎了，所以活该得到如此的对待作报复。。而且，一个考试差一点就要被淘汰的人，一个一直被心爱的人抛弃的人，一个被别人父母嫌弃的人，一个喜怒无常神经兮兮的人，我想我若是大家也受不了。。
谢谢你们，还愿意接纳我，一个那么烂的我，一无是处的我。。虽然大家可能累了，还是选择把我留在身边，就算是被当空气，我也依然珍惜，与你们一起的每分每秒。。
又或许是我自己远离了大家，抛弃了大家，而你们其实很无奈。。对不起我不应该让你们担心和伤心的。。
又或许是我太过自负，总是认为自己那么的弱，离大家那么的远，是我自己制造了距离。。
想一想这半年来，遇见的事若是说运气不好，那在我的认知里还是会很庆幸有你们一直在身旁陪伴，陪我度过。。但怎么感觉，是因为发生了这些事，大家开始远离我。。
我不会埋怨谁，毕竟还是自己做的决定，所以任何的苦只好往肚里吞。。这些话本想埋藏一辈子，但还是会喘不过气，只好在这发泄一下，如果你们真的会看到这里，请不要讨厌我，我其实只是一个很怕被抛弃的自私鬼，就可怜可怜我吧！
人生走到25岁，已经快要半辈子了，好像还没找到自己，那么的迷茫，真的该反省了！
李圣杰的《最近》真的很贴切形容我的最近啊！
最近不是不说话就是说很多话，其实真的很孤独，每天不是到医院就是呆在屋里。。在医院因为会有他，所以很纳闷，深怕自己会越陷越深会再被伤害，所以压抑着自己；在屋里，也很不能自己，因为要很ㄍㄧㄥ，深怕做错什么,也不能像从前那样和大家说说话。真的很怕自己的忧郁又回来了，所以还是在这里写下有的没的，会好一些。。
好几晚都睡不好，或许压力或许天气，但也与这些事有关我知道的，因为还会梦见他，虽然已经天天见了还不够，真的很够力了！但，又不能跟任何人讲，就只好在这里坦白了。。
加油吧！会过去的，什么风浪没见过，这些日子算是遇到糟糕的事中最为轻微的了，还可以啦！ =）
我们曾经无所不谈，分享喜怒哀乐，也一起度过欢乐与悲伤的时光。。我以为大家会一直这样到毕业。。
我知道自己很多缺点，很依赖，很懒，很没礼貌，很理所当然，很为所欲为，很笨但这都是因为我以为我们是那么的熟悉对方，像我也可以容忍你们的一切，唯独不能容忍你们的冷落。。我以为在你们面前我不必假装，可以做我自己。。我以为我们可以互相扶持，互相照顾。。
如今，只剩你们大声说小声笑，而我只能假装我没听见什么。。
如今，只剩每天期盼自己能加入你们的讨论，你们的饭局，然后在一旁，笑得没心没肺。。
如今，只剩自己战战兢兢的在你们身边，还怕做错一丝一毫会被你们嫌弃，被你们在背后评论。。
很想跟你们说，如果有什么我真的做错了，冒犯了，可不可以直接跟我说，你们应该了解，我爱面子但更珍惜大家。。但或许这样只会让你们越来越远离我，所以我选择沉默，期盼有一天我们又能像从前那样，过着很庆幸拥有彼此的日子。。其实也不到四个月大家就会隔散东西，真的希望大家是珍惜的，不会是恨不得脱离我这个没用的人。。
在想是不是自己一直以来都活在自己的幻想里，其实你们根本没有认为我的存在对你们来说有什么重要，是我自己高估了自己。。但，我是那么的确定，大家的真心，所有的一点一滴，我都铭记于心。。或许是我真的让你们心碎了，所以活该得到如此的对待作报复。。而且，一个考试差一点就要被淘汰的人，一个一直被心爱的人抛弃的人，一个被别人父母嫌弃的人，一个喜怒无常神经兮兮的人，我想我若是大家也受不了。。
谢谢你们，还愿意接纳我，一个那么烂的我，一无是处的我。。虽然大家可能累了，还是选择把我留在身边，就算是被当空气，我也依然珍惜，与你们一起的每分每秒。。
又或许是我自己远离了大家，抛弃了大家，而你们其实很无奈。。对不起我不应该让你们担心和伤心的。。
又或许是我太过自负，总是认为自己那么的弱，离大家那么的远，是我自己制造了距离。。
想一想这半年来，遇见的事若是说运气不好，那在我的认知里还是会很庆幸有你们一直在身旁陪伴，陪我度过。。但怎么感觉，是因为发生了这些事，大家开始远离我。。
我不会埋怨谁，毕竟还是自己做的决定，所以任何的苦只好往肚里吞。。这些话本想埋藏一辈子，但还是会喘不过气，只好在这发泄一下，如果你们真的会看到这里，请不要讨厌我，我其实只是一个很怕被抛弃的自私鬼，就可怜可怜我吧！
人生走到25岁，已经快要半辈子了，好像还没找到自己，那么的迷茫，真的该反省了！
李圣杰的《最近》真的很贴切形容我的最近啊！
最近不是不说话就是说很多话，其实真的很孤独，每天不是到医院就是呆在屋里。。在医院因为会有他，所以很纳闷，深怕自己会越陷越深会再被伤害，所以压抑着自己；在屋里，也很不能自己，因为要很ㄍㄧㄥ，深怕做错什么,也不能像从前那样和大家说说话。真的很怕自己的忧郁又回来了，所以还是在这里写下有的没的，会好一些。。
好几晚都睡不好，或许压力或许天气，但也与这些事有关我知道的，因为还会梦见他，虽然已经天天见了还不够，真的很够力了！但，又不能跟任何人讲，就只好在这里坦白了。。
加油吧！会过去的，什么风浪没见过，这些日子算是遇到糟糕的事中最为轻微的了，还可以啦！ =）
2014年4月1日 星期二
愚人。愚己
原来那么久没更新了。
曾经认为，只要把每分每秒的感觉想法记下，心就会释怀许多。
到后来又觉得烦心的事，剪不断，理还乱。
最终还是欺骗不了自己。
把事情记得太牢，就像在伤口撒盐；把他搁置一边，又像懦弱逃避。
真的很不喜欢这样。
慢慢的在这两种相互矛盾中挣扎、徘徊，好像后者比较有效，但也让自己失去了动力。
为什么那么倔强的自己，到最后都必须选择逃避，真的很不喜欢这样。
上一次，对自己立下承诺，不会再无奈的选择逃，但没想到这一次，逃得那么的快，那么的狼狈。
是自己还没从第一次的事情中学会、领悟吗？我真的乱了。还是我遗漏了什么？！
这些都是考验的一部分，不是吗？但我真的很怕再受伤。怕自己承受不了。我漏掉什么没做好吗？可不可以不要再开这样的玩笑呢！
或许是愚人节，才会让我特别有感触，因为感觉自己这六个月以来都像在过愚人节。
所有会唤起一点点回忆，心情的事，都让自己很无助，面对不能改变的人事物，唯有改变自己，但一直这样违背自己的心，真的好吗？无奈似乎就只有这样，才是最好的，应该庆幸还能在最坏里选择最好的。
曾经认为，只要把每分每秒的感觉想法记下，心就会释怀许多。
到后来又觉得烦心的事，剪不断，理还乱。
最终还是欺骗不了自己。
把事情记得太牢，就像在伤口撒盐；把他搁置一边，又像懦弱逃避。
真的很不喜欢这样。
慢慢的在这两种相互矛盾中挣扎、徘徊，好像后者比较有效，但也让自己失去了动力。
为什么那么倔强的自己，到最后都必须选择逃避，真的很不喜欢这样。
上一次，对自己立下承诺，不会再无奈的选择逃，但没想到这一次，逃得那么的快，那么的狼狈。
是自己还没从第一次的事情中学会、领悟吗？我真的乱了。还是我遗漏了什么？！
这些都是考验的一部分，不是吗？但我真的很怕再受伤。怕自己承受不了。我漏掉什么没做好吗？可不可以不要再开这样的玩笑呢！
或许是愚人节，才会让我特别有感触，因为感觉自己这六个月以来都像在过愚人节。
所有会唤起一点点回忆，心情的事，都让自己很无助，面对不能改变的人事物，唯有改变自己，但一直这样违背自己的心，真的好吗？无奈似乎就只有这样，才是最好的，应该庆幸还能在最坏里选择最好的。
2014年3月19日 星期三
2014年3月15日 星期六
傻瓜
慢慢的，开始习惯，和你这样的相处模式
虽然有时还是会很难压抑自己的心情
慢慢的，开始习惯，像若无其事一样把你当成普通朋友一般
说着无所谓的话，虽然很想看看你的反应，但还是忍住了不直视你
甚至其实很久都没好好的正面看看你，因为我不想自己被动摇
虽然每天都见面，每天都近在咫尺，但我很怕自己隐藏得不够好
我真的不想让你困扰
听着你说你的烦恼，你的喜怒哀乐，你的想法
但我只能选择沉默
不敢回应太多，怕你嫌我烦，
也怕你察觉我其实被你的一切影响，跟你一起心情起伏
快乐着你的快乐
悲伤着你的悲伤
尽量在你面前表露的很欢心
演技应该还可以吧！
或许你早就不在乎了，是我自己想多了
不过还是会继续撑下去的
每一次对你的狠心，对你的漠不关心，就增加自己放下你的决心
可是每一次对你的批评，对你的在乎，对你的心软，就像致命的伤痕
久久不能自拔，就对自己残忍，对自己不公平
能怎么样？奇迹是多麽渺茫
我该放弃，还是继续？
给自己的时限已经一再的超过
就搁一边吧！
慢慢的，我会学习对自己好一点的。。
不好意思，辜负了他最后给我的忠告
原来我，才是，真正的，傻瓜！
2014年3月7日 星期五
2014年3月4日 星期二
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