improve

just after community medicine posting, life is still long way to go.. but today i suddenly feel tired.. that's something wrong but yet nothing is wrong..

contradiction arises in between me and my self...

why i just cant do anything moderately??

why am i hv to be so extreme in everything?

why cant i treat myself better??

why should i hv so many expectation on myself???

why why why... but still i am not trying to get an answer.. i just a bit tired of myself

don't worry, i am not getting emo again.. just that may be i shld do nothing to get somehting ... but not everything and get nothing...

i knew that i am just an average person , not even close to good.. but i didn't know that i am that kind of person that people should avoid... i am not upset about this.. just that i feel disappointed to myself.. i am just expecting too much from myself......

its true that i am someone that ppl should avoid..if i am someone else , i will sure avoid someone like me... too stubborn, too emo, too passive, too tense up... and i hd seen many example.. ppl around me get influence by me towards that lousy path... of course they are all ppl that care about me... if ppl din even care they wont find it hard.. coz they can simply ignore me or just avoid me..

may be its time already finally.. for me to become mature.. at least to be a better person.. i know its like saying nonsense ... to be better.. how well is better.. i just want to improve .. i wont use the word change myself or find back myself like last time... i just wanna improve.. and i shall improve..

so lets time to prove it.. and lets my heart, mind and soul to be one .. to unite , to reach what i shall obtain.

'sorry' its the word i used.. frequently to myself.. but from now on i wont use it anymore.. i shall improve.. sorry has been black listed.. it wont mean anything except finding excuses for myself and the act of irresponsible...

amitabha.. may my wish come true .. to improve

1. be moderate in everything

2. not to comment unnecessarily

3. try to be neutral, without bias

4. try to see the world in different angles

5. be truthful to myself

6. be loyal to my soul

7. listen but not just hear

8. respect others as well as myself

=)