旧地重游--KAUP BEACH / KAPU BEACH

Recent trip-- November 2011

First trip--March 2010

那天旧地重游了

一样的天

一样的海

一样的石头

一样的小溪

一样的人

一样的书包

不一样的心情

不一样的角色

不一样的话题

不一样的活动

不一样的角度

不一样的机遇

这名为KAUP BEACH 的海滩， 和我的名字有点像的海滩，唯一危险不能下水的海

只是有点感慨，无论去了多少次，都无法把你带去。。

不过，我还是快乐的 XD

最近很想做一件事

但又不知道该不该

我不想想太多

怕会影响自己

最重要的是不想影响别人

我不想再跟自己过不去

但我不忍心再周旋下去

这么放着，好吗？？

不好又能如何呢？

我想就这么放着吧！

或许在无能为力之下

静静的，或许是唯一可以为他做的

我祈求神明保佑

阿弥陀佛，袮一定听得见我的祷告吧!

飞蛾扑火

飞蛾本应自由翱翔

却爱上了烈火

烈火知道 迷恋飞蛾的结局

会剥夺飞蛾的一切

然而 飞蛾早已作了最后的准备

飞蛾的眼泪 一滴一滴

烈火的无奈 无穷无尽

何止不能安抚飞蛾

连飞蛾的眼泪

早在未能触碰前 就蒸发了

烈火心中无尽争扎

终于狠下绝心 赶走飞蛾

于是火势越来越巨猛

希望飞蛾会知难而退

但飞蛾不死的决心 已超越一切

飞蛾告诉烈火：

其实我的泪早已穿透你的心 不是吗？

就用我的泪为墨 你的心为纸

从此感动与心痛 纵横 写永恒

最后飞蛾决定了

在烈火怀里结束了自己的生命

泪为墨 心为纸 感动与心痛 纵横 写永恒

有时，爱情犹如飞蛾扑火。回想起，像是失去了许多，但那些回忆毕竟填满了那段岁月。其实，爱情像友情和亲情一样，是人生必经之路，有失必有得。人生路，许多苦，但只要懂得自己的方向，幸福也许就在不远处。

希望天下有情人终成眷属，单身的朋友也勇敢地迈向自己的幸福吧！

最近都在看『我可能不会爱你』这部剧。。

想了很多很多。。里面的讯息我不懂是正面还是负面

有时人真的很奇怪

正与负 都这是个人观点，其实是因为合乎个人的想法，就叫做对

要客观地去看一部剧，原来也有难度

但我的人很讲究缘分与巧合

所以就很常会把所见所闻，都运用于自己的日常生活上

人啊！真是奇怪

我不可能会爱你，

我可能不会爱你

。。

好乱哦！！

不过我仿佛在寻找一个答案

希望不是在找可以承托原先答案的答案

而是客观的找出真正的答案

有很长的一段时间

我累了

所以放弃了答案的寻觅

但其实也没错

有些事情是永远没有答案的

所以现在我在啊找什么呢？

我想是一个可以带我通往未来的通路

虽然没有人会知道未来长什么样子

但我只希望沿着一条安全的道路

无论终点是哪里

我希望抵达时

回头望来，我是享受的

幸福的

没遗憾的

天路 Road to Heaven - 阿蘭達瓦卓瑪

超级喜欢这首歌！！！！

天路 - 阿蘭達瓦卓瑪
作詞:屈垣 作曲:印青

http://content.bangtech.com/jukebox/christian/alan_road_to_heaven.htm

清晨我站在青青的牧場
看到神鷹披著那霞光
像一片祥雲飛過藍天
為雪域高原帶來吉祥

黃昏我站在高高的山崗
看那鐵路修到我家鄉
一條條巨龍翻山越嶺
為藏家兒女送來安康

那是一條神奇的天路
人間的溫暖送到邊疆
青稞酒酥油茶會更加香甜
幸福的歌聲傳遍四方

黃昏我站在高高的山崗
看那鐵路修到我家鄉
一條條巨龍翻山越嶺
為藏家兒女送來安康

那是一條神奇的天路
人間的溫暖送到邊疆
從此山不再高路不再漫長
幸福的歌聲傳遍四方

那是一條神奇的天路
帶我們走進人間天堂
青稞酒酥油茶會更加香甜
各族人民歡聚一堂
幸福的歌聲傳遍四方

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7P-CIytM_c&feature=share

是时候对自己说，那不是我的--我想我不会爱你

放下，不是原谅他，而是放过自己，心里太多不甘心，快乐怎么住进去呢?--我可能不会爱你

Medicine and psychiatry posting + St. Mary Island + Jog Fall + Goa trip

After posting at Medicine department for 3 weeks, i feel exhausted, but i know the journeys are just starting. However i feel satisfied, i am overwhelmed by the diagnostic skills and incorporation of all the knowledge i have learned so far in anatomy, physiology, biochemistry, pathology, microbiology, pharmacology and also forensic medicine-- subjects that i had for the past 2 years of study in MBBS. Through this posting i learned a lot, i recalled things that i had learned and tried to use them simultaneously, though it’s quiet hectic for me, but I enjoyed the process of learning.. thanks to all the doctors that help me throughout my first clinical posting..^^ I also managed to establish good rapport with some of the patients.. felt so grateful that they gave us chance to examine them to gain experience even though they were badly sick and they knew that we are not capable to treat their diseases.. one great things is most of them spoke with their mother tongue.. so i got to learn a bit of their language .. Kannada and Hindi..

The next posting is Psychiatry, my favorite subject ever… unfortunately, I didn’t enjoyed much as in medicine department.. It’s nothing to do with the workload, or doctors there, they are all very nice people, and I love them a lot too.. Problem is I just can’t put myself at ease when facing the patients, even when sitting in a lecture room.. I tell myself ..hey, its your dream… and you just reach where u suppose to be..remember such a long and hard journey u had gone through to reach here? Quick.. back to sense!!! But still I can’t , I just… stuck …

Why? What is that? What’s stopping me??? I really can’t figure out… I know its my own problem… I know it deep inside… I know it can or cannot be a problem.. but I choose to percept it as a problem. what the hell.. this is so not like me.. I hate myself like this..I try to escape and pretend, as if never happen…

I decided to go on trips… having fun with my fellow batchmates… its was marvelous, fabulous, exciting and wonderful… We went to St. Mary island, an island near Malpe beach , nearest beach from Manipal… We had fun at the island as well as near the beach.. by the end of the day we saw double rainbow.. it was just breathtaking…

Next trip was to Jog falls, the second highest fall in India.. its was so so beautiful.. we had a picnic there.. some of us climbed the rocks to reach under the falls… when the water just splashed down our head.. its painful ..yet so relieving….. ahhRRR… refreshing.. suddenly its rain… but we can't really differentiate the rain or the water from up the hills… just a while the rain stopped… and sun rised.. to my surprise.. I was surrounded by rainbows…so nice… too bad our camera weren’t water proof.. cant capture this ‘miracle’.. happiness is just so simple and easy to get..

Next destination… GOA… I bet I had my greatest joy ever since last 2 weeks. There I ate meat and seafood after so long as a vegetarian… I had seafood platter with full plate of squid, prawns, fish and crab.. I also had lobster.. my first ever lobster….. life is just wonderful sometime when we breaks rules.. oh.. amitabha.. pls forgive me for being rebellious.. i also had lots of fun near the beach… we had lots of water game there… the waves, the sunset.. I would never forget.. and I got to ‘fly’ on a parachute… surely amazing.. how nice if my family also get the chance to enjoy like this..

Finally second weeks end.. thought its quite tiring but I feel happy… now I don’t even have time to think of what’s my problem to not be enjoying in psychiatry posting… coz end-posting viva is coming… its time to study… a bit sad …last weeks with patients of my favourite… Its kinda weird if I say like this.. they are ppl with schizophrenia, depression, mania, OCD, MPD, Anxiety disorders, psychosis, Bipolar, delirium…etc..still it has been my mission to be able to help them one day since young…I think I will miss psychiatry department very much..

应无所住，而生其心

世事无常

原来真正的心情，是写不出来的

南无阿弥陀佛～

曾经我以为

曾经我以为我拥有了全部，曾经我以为我失去了全部，

曾经我以为你会是我停靠的港口，曾经我以为你我只是有缘无份，

曾经我以为我彻底的坠落，曾经我以为我又重燃热情的火，

曾经我以为我很在乎，曾经我以为我戒掉了对你的在乎，

曾经我以为我可以忘记，曾经我以为我已经忘记，

曾经我以为可以放下，曾经我以为我已经放下，

曾经我以为我不再以为，曾经的曾经。。。

直到我听见碎落的呻吟，是我那残缺不堪的灵。。。

对不起，我们不能当朋友

总算我们也爱过--郭靖

还是要幸福·--田馥甄

好朋友只是朋友--郁可唯

我，真的不懂自己怎么会这样，所以不要问我为什么，好吗？

一向擅长用语言，擅长把感觉全都用字迹表达的我，竟然真的找不到一字一句来表达我现在的心情。或许我的感受早已与你无关，或许这全部都是我自己的错，是我窝囊，是我奇怪，是我莫名其妙，都算了吧！

这几首歌是我最近很喜欢的，虽然不完全贴切，但我想你会明白，应该说希望你可以了解我的想法，别问我为什么不直接跟你说，因为每次面对你我的语言就变成了智障跟残缺。。或许你会嘲笑我还是像以前一样笨，没听你的话。。不懂，我还是觉得现在就只有音乐和歌曲能够让我平静一些。。祝你一切安好。。all the best.

我在菩提树下等了好久，

盼望那个他有一天会出现，

一直那么信任着，

等了又等，等了又等，

我想最痛苦的不是等待，

而是要如何拒绝不断的负面侵略，

直到最后我都不想放弃，

但是那个人，

他亲口说了，

叫我别再等，

别再当傻瓜，

当个聪明的女孩，

我觉得自己很可笑，

依然，

在菩提树下绕了很久很久，

终于自己也明白了，

那个人，

不会来了，

永远都不会来的，

所以，我决定了，

远离从前，

向未来出发。。

对不起，我想我的未来不可以有你，请相信我真的很努力的想要做你的朋友，最单纯的朋友，但，原来我还是做不到，所以算我自私吧！对不起，我们，不可以当朋友。请你别再找我了，我有权利有我自己纯粹的孤独，成全我吧！我会感激你的。

佩