2009年4月28日 星期二

故事


今天早上跟妈妈去了一趟巴刹,从小如果没有上学,或是能够在周末的早上早起,都会到巴刹。今天再旧地重游,感觉即熟悉又陌生。熟的是一样的场景,一样的人,一样的对白; 陌生的是,陈旧的街道,苍老的人们。。。不知不觉,时间就这样,在所有人与物的身上留下了痕迹。

今天遇见了许多熟悉的面孔,但,他们都似乎认不出我来,也或是人老了记忆会衰退,耳朵和眼睛都不灵敏了。。唉!~真感叹岁月的无情。。

在这小小的市区里头发生的故事,可真多,多得我曾经立下心愿要用一生的时间将它叙述。

我想全天下除了一些特殊的例子,不会有我经历的一般。或许,我的故事,就是其中的特殊例子吧!在这小小的市区,不会有人不晓得有我这一家姓钱的。是因为这姓氏罕见,再加上每天免费序拨的是是非非,就如电影般曲折离奇,甚至连最佳奥斯卡电影都不及的剧情,让人为之心寒。

家里发生的一切,让我只能在像今天这样的巧合下到巴刹,才能看见爷爷奶奶,姑婆等长辈。看见他们苍老的模样,让我百感交集。。可能是因为在心中对于我们的歉疚,奶奶总爱在别人不留意的情况下把几张钞票塞到我手中。可能不了解发生在我周围的事的人会觉得很奇怪,但这,对于我来说,已经习以为常。也许这么做会让他老人家的心好过一点,所以我已学习不对这事做出任何反应,只微微笑点点头以表感谢。唉!真是无奈。。为什么一个老太婆要对自己的孙子表现一点关爱也要偷偷摸摸的。。

我的故事,一直在走着,过去的过去,现在的现在,未来的未来,过去的还未过去,现在就是现在,未来未来未来。。。

眼皮


从星期六早上一觉睡醒,就觉得眼皮好像怪怪的,一直都不能专心读书,结果一面睡一面读,醒一会儿睡一会儿,都不懂睡了多久,也不懂读了多少。

从小都一直对自己的一切有很多的疑问,时常会想为什么爸爸能有190厘米的高度?为什么妈妈有双眼皮而我没有?到了现在,原来,所有问题的答案,都只是一个--在bio里学到的genetic variation。

之前都有问过妈妈说,为什么我不会再长高?妈妈微笑说她是在生下我后才在增高至现在的高度的。当时我很怀疑,是妈妈要安慰我,还是真有其实。后来我又问说为什么家里只有妈妈有双眼皮?妈妈有说她小时候也是单眼皮的,长大后才会有双眼皮。哈?真是这样吗?到了现在我才开始相信一半的说法。虽然说妈妈是不会欺骗孩子的,但是真的难以置信!

为什么现在还半信半疑呢?因为从星期六起到今天星期二,我最典型的单眼皮变成了右眼双眼皮左眼单眼皮。。怎么办?之前都有试过一觉醒来眼睛变成这样“大小眼”,但是并不会持续太久,大概半天就没了。现在都四天了,感觉上是不会“打回原形了”。。

很小的时候有想过说如果有双双眼皮眼睛,一定很好看,但是可能是因为狮子座的自恋公主病作岁,年纪越大,就越喜欢自己的单眼皮,甚至引以为傲。

现在一切只能顺其自然,不管是双眼皮,还是单眼皮,仰或是一半一半,我,终究是我。

加油吧!钱嘉佩。

2009年4月24日 星期五




Just now Bc called…
He is so excited as if he found another planet….or something more special than that…
That’s to answer Gh question that day…
Why human exists?
Why God exists?
What is emptiness ?
Does it contradict with existence…?

Empty is not nothing
Empty is abstract
Is inside
Is not direct

Everything in this world is to express emptiness
Human exists
God exists
Everything exists
The world is the expression of emptiness
Its reflection

To simplify,
When one have a thought
Have a feeling
Others won’t know
If it is not express

First, you have a touch
A feeling
Then a thought
Next a melody
Followed by written it out as a music score
Through the score
It seems like the thought
the feeling
which is abstract
is solidify
is express

everything is link…..is related…is a cycle…music express ourselves…we use music to tell others what we feel…emptiness need existence to show itself…Existence reflect emptiness…it is like if you never try the taste of sadness …you won’t know that happy is so called happy…


Today, my mum and dad fetch me back. I feel so alien to be with them…without my siblings…Why? I wonder…
Anyway, I love them…we get to talk a lot…since long time…I feel like I am back to the past again……as their little girl…I found the tender part as well as the cute part of my dad…whose I haven’t approach since some years…I remember that we use to be so intimate when I was just a little girl….
I am home..finally…

We went to KFC for dinner as we got the voucher for refilling petrol at Petronas station…
My sis suddenly ask me a simple yet difficult question….i must use Chinese to explain the situation clearly….

如果一倍是原数乘以二
那么两倍呢?

What a question…
After thinking it for a while…
I figure out a satisfied answer…

当你比别人多一倍
那你就有两倍
所以乘以二。。

It’s so simple…but I doubt on it…
Our discussion even caught the attention of the ppl next to us…and those lining up to buy KFC…they even discuss among themselves …and found it amazing…sometimes we just don’t know about things that we suppose to know..or we thought we know…but we aren’t….

2009年4月23日 星期四

My Doubt

Yesterday, I went to talk to Rcl…it has been some time…we have direct face to face conversation…quiet a lot of people thought that something happen between us….since we are so good buddies from sem 2 but seems that we do not interact at all now…At first, I thought I have done something wrong…
Yup…I am not as perfect as what I thought bout myself..
I am selfish..
Stubborn…
Ungrateful…
I take everything for granted….
Seldom have I admitted that I am wrong…
I always think that I am correct and stick to it…
When someone did something that I do not accept….
I get fade up
I am always very strict to ppl around me….
Those that I care..
Sometimes, they find hard to cope with me
I made them suffer
And
I am not happy either
What I have done…
To HER
To Shrn, Rcl, my family..
I am so wrong…
So wrong to only realize it NoW……

I ask Rcl..
I finally make up my mind
To approach her
All naked…mentally..
I use the excuse that Gh want me to inform her that he failed to find the lecturer to sign the attendant book…
Then I ask her…
Have I done anything that irritated her?
She just gives me a mildly smile…
Plus a ‘no’
The shortest answer that I get from her since we know each other…
I reply with a smile…
As usual…
To hide my doubt..
I doubt…
Is it the end?
iS it just begin?
Or
There is actually no ending nor beginning?

Last day

Today is my last day to have class in INTEC…the last day to be in 8M3…my beloved class….
We have a nice pic with PN. Noreha...and a nice talk about life in India...Life as Doctor..etc with Mdm.Siva...
Not much ppl Shown up for the class so...we have did all the unusual thing...quiet a weird but interesting day...
My first impression to INTEC is not like anybody else…
I just fall in love with it…
I just like it…
Because it is fresh…
It is beautiful..
It is purple…

2years....just past................................................

2009年4月22日 星期三

ExiSteNce

Last night, Gh ask a question which is actaully what all the while people are eager to know...


The question sounds: Why people exists? Why God eXistS? How do they exists? Do they really exists?



Throughout the year, I have been searching for the answer also....But still..i can't find it...



I start to wonder, do people actually live to find out the answer...Do we really able to figure it out? With our tiny brain? with our limited knowledge?











Am I exists?
Yes, you are..
Why am I exists?
Because you want to...



Am I really exists?
No. you don't
Why not?

You exists, but you do not

You loVe but you aren't in love

You have it, but you don't



Empty is not nothing

Empty is not anything


It is false when you refer it to something


People strike hard to prove their existence


If existence exists, you do not need to prove it

If it doesn't exist ,what for you want to prove it?

Everyone exists to fulfill God's needs

That's what Hilary tell me

We all exists, because of different Will

That's what Bc says

To make it an easy way

I choose to live to the fullest

whether it's for God's purpose
Or for my personal Will

that is ...to be successful

Wish everyone I know

I don't know

I might know

I will know

GOOD LUck and be happy on the road towards SUCCESS

2009年4月20日 星期一

LaSt yEar

Its last year


i meet you


i fall for you


i tell myself that i'll keep it


my feeling to you



just a smile


just look at you from far away

it's enough


to make me happy


for whole day


is this happiness

is this stupidity

or

is this call


loVe



i don't know
i don't want to know


keep it


relief...






its going to end soon


should i...


no..


keep it


relief....


thanxx

for everything


at least you


tell me


the name of







Love>>>

Pain



What is pain?


It has been a longtime i haven't be in so pain...

God..


Bring me with you...


I thought i can stand it


But


I can't...

Nothing will be eternal


But i still think this pain will keep on and and on

forever

why should i suffer this??

Why ....me...

the desire for me to be with you again...


seem so deem

the light that you have shown


can't stop thinking of you

make my pain persist

damn...


why should i be like this


i hate myself

because


i love you

it has been a while

i forget about the pain


i thought i am strong enough

but

i am not


it's hurt


it's severe


it's no way back

2009年4月16日 星期四

无题



星星的眼泪; 漫天的风雪; 往日的笑脸;已不再完美;
因为心灵的累; 并不容易解围; 想在搞笑; 却哭成泪人;
这样的情节; 似乎带着遗憾; 凝成一幅凄美

七情六欲



我们常说要控制自己的七情六欲

究竟,什么是七情六欲呢?


何谓七情?

喜,怒,忧,惧,爱,憎,欲


何谓六欲?

色欲,形貌欲,威信姿态欲,言语音声欲,细滑欲,人心欲。。

看来要控制这种种情与欲

还真不容易。。。

够爱



指头还残留
你为我擦的指甲油
没想透
你好像说过
你和我 会不会有以后
世界一直一直变
地球不停的转动
在你的时空
我从未退缩
当我靠在你耳朵
指向轻轻对你说
我的温柔
只想要你都拥有

我的爱只能够让你一个人独自拥有
我的灵和魂魄
固定守候在你心门口
我的伤和眼泪
化为乌有
为你而流
隐藏在无边无际小小宇宙

爱你的我
不能停止脉搏
为了爱你奋斗
就请你让我说出口

你听见了吗我为你唱的这首歌
是为了要证明
我为了你存在的意义

我踏着水星金星火星木星土星
去寻觅时间滴滴答答滴答的声音。。

够爱
谢和弦(A-CHORD)

2009年4月10日 星期五

言己心意。。。记忆



记;
言己,
述说自己,
探讨自己,
不为人知的一面。


忆;
心意,
心里的意思,
藏在内心,
另一种思绪。

沉淀在现实的烂泥,
浊。。
缺氧。。
缭乱了游民的心。


那颗奋斗而炽热,
被目标驾驭

要在明确看到终点后。。。
装满记忆的故乡。。

迷途羔羊



。。。仿佛 每日每夜 每时每刻 都在为了满足 自己的欲望前进

然而。。。当途中,被其他与原有目的并不相符的事情牵引

又有多少人 会懂得自拔 再朝向 原定的目标

有时。。。 在嘲笑,讽刺大家口中所谓的迷途羔羊

有否想过。。自己还比较可笑

迷途羔羊。。。至少。。他们拥有一个专有名词

倘若连自己都没察觉

灵魂已失去归属


那原本珍贵奇特生命

会显得

淡然无光

原点







。。。欢唱到尾段

。。。编谱到一半


人生路, 曲折 , 平坦

感情事, 飘浮, 激昂

蝴蝶飞越丛林

灵魂穿梭时空

寻觅最 原点

却。。。早已遗忘

返回的道路。。。

无情



无情

无情

亦 无情

凌乱的心情

混杂的思绪

无情不再 无 情

心灵波动荡漾

如滴水穿石

世界万物

可有

存放 寄托 的地方??

难哉。。。难哉。。。




2009年4月9日 星期四

A Story to live by



There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

有一位瞎女很討厭自己因為眼睛瞎了。她也討厭每個人,唯一不討厭的是她的男朋友,因為他都常守在她身旁。於是她對她的男朋友說:「如果能讓我看到這個世界,我愿意嫁給你!」

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

有一天,有人捐了一對眼精給她。當紗布解開時,她能夠看到一切,包括她的男朋友。

He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

男朋友問她:「現在你可以看到這世界,你愿意嫁給我嗎?」那女孩看了男朋友是個瞎子,他那對蓋上眼皮的眼睛嚇到了她,這是她無法想像。她想:要我嫁給他而一生對着他這個樣子,我無法接受。

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'

於是,她的男朋友很傷心的離開她,幾天後寫了字條給她:「親愛的,請你好好照顧你的眼睛,因為它不是屬於你的之前,它是屬於我的。」

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

這也是人的腦會如何做當情況有所變動。只有少許人會記得他或她之前的生活及誰會在身旁當他或她處在困境的時候

Life Is a Gift

生命是一份禮物

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak
.今天,當你要講一句不善之言--請想想那些無法講話的人

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
當你要埋怨食物的味道時--請想想那些沒有食物吃的人

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.
當你要埋怨你的先生或太太時--請想想那些在向上天哭訴要一個伴侶的人

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who died too early on this earth.
今天,當你要埋怨生活時--請想想那些太早離開人世間的人

Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.
當你要埋怨小孩時--請想想那些渴望小孩而無能生育的人

Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.
當你要爭論沒有人清理屋子時--請想想那些住在街邊的人

Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
當你在哀訴駕駛的路程--請想想那些同樣的路程以代步的人

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.
當你很疲備而埋怨工作時--請想想那些無工作,殘疾的,及那些多麼希望擁有你這份工作的人

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us is without imperfection.
當你想要指著人或互相譴責時--請記得沒有一個人是無罪

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around.當壓抑的念頭讓你無法振作時--請你笑一笑想想:你還活著存在世間!

MOVE THIS ROUNDTHE ENTIRE UNIVERSE...
我祈禱這訊息能夠繼續傳至全人類..............

2009年4月8日 星期三


This week sure is a busy week...although today i don't have class..but i have make myself a long schedule to follow...i will be happy if i can finish part of it...a-level exam is coming...i got terrible result in my trial this will be very 'paise'..i feel sorry for myself..fell guity to my mum, my sis, and my lecturer...==


this week i will be going home...coz last week download a lot of TVXQ new MV...hv to show my sis...tat day i was so lucky ...can get 10 MV in an hour...amasing...all very high quality one...thank GOD!!!!

2009年4月3日 星期五




these few days...learning dizi...chinese flute....ahrrr...very hard.....now only i know....last time i thought it is easy...all the dizi players...please forgive me....haha^^